The Electric Love Letter

Swimming In The Flood

2011-12-13T01:11:00.000-06:00

I don’t know how I got in the swimming pool. I remember most of the moments leading up to getting in the swimming pool. I stood in the corner of Scott’s living room and told him to close his eyes while I changed into my swim trunks. I must have walked outside after that. Then I set my glasses down on the table by the door. But I don’t remember jumping in (or climbing in, or falling in – whatever I did to end up in the water).

Everyone is in the pool but Jonathan, who’s passed out on the couch inside. I can hear the music we danced to earlier still playing inside. I wonder if it’s bothering Jonathan. I hear a splash at the deep end of the pool. Scout just jumped in. He’s naked and so is Emily.

I know the water is cold. It’s April and the weather is still cool most days. It’s late – probably past midnight – so the sun is long gone and there’s nothing warming the pool but our bodies. I know the water is cold, but I can’t really feel its temperature. I can only feel the water surrounding me, washing over my shoulders as I bob up and down. I tap my fingertips on my forehead and announce, “I can’t feel my forehead.”

I’m sitting on the steps at the shallow end, watching everyone else. Without my glasses, I can’t make out the details of people’s faces, but I can see their blurry bodies moving around the pool. Scout and Emily are two flesh-colored blurs in the deep end. The others are sitting at the table. Someone is smoking a cigarette; I can’t see it, but I can smell it. Kelsey is by herself, treading water at the edge of the pool near the ladder. I push off of the step I’m sitting on and propel myself towards her. I struggle to keep my face out of the water as I swim. The pungent scent of chlorine fills my nose, as does a little water.

I can smell her hair before I reach her. The scent of her shampoo always lingers around her. I swim up behind her and wrap my arms around her shoulders.

“Hey,” she says, craning her neck back to look at me.

I bury my face in her neck, and the smell of her shampoo mixed with cigarettes and chlorine overwhelms me.

“I’m really drunk,” I slur into her ear.

“I can tell,” she says.

She begins moving closer to the ladder, and I move my arms from her shoulders. I place my hands on her waist underwater. She feels soft and slippery, but she swims out of my grip. I tell her to wait.

“I have something important to tell you.”

“What is it?” she asks.

She turns to face me. I move closer to her, so our bodies are almost touching again. She starts to back away and I groan a little. I lean in and whisper in her ear.

“I’m not a girl. I mean…I think I’m a boy. I…I can’t really explain it right now.”

“What?” she says.

I wrap my arms around her shoulders again.

“I just really wanna tell you,” I say. “But I’m afraid I won’t tell you when I’m not drunk. Make me tell you about it later. Promise me you’ll make me tell you.”

I move my head back to look into her eyes.

“Okay,” she says. “I promise.”

“Thanks. What time is it?”

“Late,” She says. “We should probably get out.”

I look around and realize we’re the only ones still in the pool. Two figures are wrapped in towels sitting at the table, but no one else is outside. I watch Kelsey climb the ladder out of the pool. She’s wearing her bra and a pair of Scott’s shorts – red denim cutoffs.

“Where’d Jonathan go?” I ask when she steps out of the pool.

“I think he’s still on the couch,” she says. “Are you gonna get out?”

Kelsey and I are alone in our dorm, sitting on my bed with a bottle of red wine between us. The TV she got for Christmas is in front of us, balanced on a pile of textbooks. We’re watching the copy of The Graduate that we bought from the $5 DVD bin at HEB.

“It’s really angsty,” I told Kelsey. “You’ll like it.”

We sit in my bottom bunk, and I stare up at the bars under Kelsey’s mattress. I’ve seen The Graduate enough times to know what’s going on without watching.

“Mrs. Robinson,” Benjamin Braddock says, “are you trying to seduce me?”

Mrs. Robinson laughs.

“Huh?” she says.

“Aren’t you?” Benjamin says.

Kelsey laughs and I look back at the screen. Kelsey laughs when she’s supposed to laugh. I pick up the wine bottle and take a swig. I hand the bottle to Kelsey and she motions that she doesn’t want any.

“Hide it from me,” I say.

She puts the bottle on her other side. I lay down on my side with my legs still hanging off the bed. I curl my legs up to my chest and close my eyes.

“Do you want to watch this another time?” Kelsey asks.

“No,” I say as I open my eyes and look at her. “I’m just listening.”

“Benjamin Braddock has no idea what he’s doing and neither do I,” I think.

“What are you doing?” Benjamin’s father asks.

“Well,” Benjamin says, “I would say that I’m just drifting. Here in the pool.”

I hear the movie stop. I open my eyes and see Kelsey holding the remote control and staring at me.

“Do you want to talk about the other night?” she asks.

“What?” I ask, even though I know exactly what she’s talking about.

“You told me to make you talk about it,” she says.

“Yeah, but I was supposed to be sober,” I say.

“If we don’t talk about it now, will we ever talk about it?” she asks.

“I,” I hesitate. “I don’t know.”

“We don’t have to talk about it.”

“I’m sad,” I say.

I sit up. I look at the screen and see Benjamin frozen in his parents’ swimming pool.

“Can we talk about it after the movie?” I ask.

She turns the movie back on. Benjamin Braddock is lying on a raft, staring up at his father, who is standing at the edge of the pool.

“It’s very comfortable to just drift here,” Benjamin says.

2011-10-30T15:33:00.000-05:00

It's funny how irrelevant things (people) have become.

9-24-2011

2011-09-25T12:54:00.004-05:00

My fingers pushed past her lips
and her teeth biting down
sent shivers through my bones

when I walked in,
Animal Collective sang
and I lied about where I was
(but not what I'd been drinking).

The wisdom I stumbled
upon without knocking
didn't believe me.

I was beginning to believe myself,
until I realized sitting on the couch
(together)
sends shivers through my bones.

What is this.

2011-09-12T01:13:00.002-05:00

untitled august 2011

2011-08-18T02:00:00.003-05:00

I think it's silly that I'm
wearing a sweater in my room
in 100 degree late night August,
that Blind Pilot feels nostalgic
for that time I bit my knuckles
in the hallway when everything
was wrong except the wrong person,
that I've progressed from 17 to
whiskey shots and 90s TV.

My mother said
she thinks of me as an adult.

That's more than I think
of myself.

I've just realized

2011-07-23T16:43:00.000-05:00

that figuring shit out is a myth.
It's never going to happen.
I'll be listening to sad music and
wishing my hair were longer and
wondering what's the point forever.

Out-of-context quotes from my journal.

2011-07-16T23:38:00.002-05:00

I keep having dreams that my hair is long.
It’s not his fault. I don’t know whose fault it is, but I’m not mad at him for it.
I had a crush on her hair and her teeth. She smelled nice too.
Jim took care of Valerie and made a shampoo tower in the bathroom.
I painted a picture of a lemur and wrote in block letters “Can you dance like Shakira?”
I wanted to stop existing and the trees looked weird.
I can’t stop thinking in the form of an explanation.
I am not the only person with problems.
The devolution of this seems integral to my own evolution.
Valerie said Jesus was probably gay.
Instead I sat outside until they locked the doors. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know what to do with myself.
I know Biggie Smalls was real because he’s dead now.
Kelsey never read The Perks of Being a Wallflower and I think that’s where our relationship went wrong.
I think I’m giving myself stomach aches.
I’ve listened to Sea Of Love 9 times in a row.
I wondered if the people walking past thought we were a couple.
I put my head on my knees and texted Brian from under my legs, kill me plz.
I’m glad I’ve settled that after 7177 words of complaining about it.
I don’t know what I’m going to do.

6-30-2011

2011-07-01T00:42:00.003-05:00

1. look:

I am a moth the size of your palm
sitting on the wall outside your back door
feeling myself fall asleep

2. chronic angst

staring at your mouth telling me
I can’t have a cigarette, but
you’ve been hiding this joint for a week

smoking by the pond
and it won’t stay lit
but I’m ok, I guess,
between the pond and the bus
stop making me sad

I don’t feel much walking
back to stay up later than
everyone else, always
reassuring you that if I could
ignore the trees behind your head

everything would be ok
(I like you too much)

I've been making this thing,

2011-05-30T20:48:00.001-05:00

Enigmatic Vomit (written sometime in March)

2011-05-23T21:37:00.000-05:00

If you would open your mouth

And pour the shots down the toilet

I would probably drink less

I fell asleep on the bathroom floor

When I looked down at the sunflower

I realized I was bleeding.

We’ve been at this for months

And I’m still listening

To cigarettes and bus stop repetition.

I’m telling you it’s not my problem

And dreaming you’re a dinosaur,

But I can only see you

When we fall asleep together.

some new poems (4-11-11)

2011-04-16T13:33:00.001-05:00

The moth curses the butterfly,

stares at the possibilities.

He realizes his eyes are purple

and the music is only heartbreaking

when something is missing.

He stretches his wings

plucks a blade of grass

and declares,

“Fuck the world.”

He bites his fingers.

The butterfly is a myth

made of cardboard

that he can only see

when he’s stoned.

I was in love with the section of her midriff

that was only visible when she walked away

I knew everything

when I invented her back

and I invented my hands

I only wanted her to love me,

but I told her

“I only want to brush my teeth.”

By the time I opened my eyes,

the green was unreal.

The shifting glow could not convince me

that God was there.

It was better that way

knowing some ideas only exist

to prove your childhood

outdated.

Under the street lamp,

over the melting snow,

I thought my feet were made of cardboard.

I thought superstition would help.

I ended up sleeping

until the green was unreal.

glitter gets me every time

2011-01-13T22:38:00.002-06:00

I jump, walk away with sore feet,

skip to the beat in my ears, ringing

until I wake up and wish I wasn’t over

I wish my teeth weren’t grinding

memories on my tongue until

no one wants to hear

what I wish I could hear for

eternity – deep purple bassline sky,

tambourine constellations

scattering euphoric…I wish you

would dance with me

don’t apologize or kneel – don’t fear

the stargazing listener

she lives in your building

but the smoke alarms pushed her

over the abyss, into the woods

where the hypothetical fires leap

to the beat of the wishes in her chest

We might need an extra suitcase
when we follow her over the railing

for metaphors and rollerblades

books 2011

2011-01-09T17:42:00.004-06:00

These are the books I intend to finish at some point during this year:

1. Steppenwolf - Hermann Hesse

~~2. Siddhartha - Hesse~~

3. The Trial - Franz Kafka

4. Letters to a Young Poet - Rainer Maria Rilke

5. When You Are Engulfed in Flames - David Sedaris

6. Kaddish and other poems - Ginsberg

~~7. I Love You Is Back - Derrick Brown~~

~~8. Nine Stories - J.D. Salinger~~

9. ~~Eeeee Eee Eeee~~ ~~- Tao Lin~~

~~10. She - Saul Williams~~

thought I had holding a book

2011-01-09T16:35:00.000-06:00

Nothing lasts forever
Welcome to the roller coaster
Are you unemployed?
Double roller coaster

thoughts today

2011-01-09T00:29:00.001-06:00

1. baby baby baby/ lying on our stomachs in the grass, watching Jane Fonda workout videos all afternoon.
2. Tao Lin??? Tao Lin Tao Lin Tao Lin.
3. I need to practice the trumpet, though. Seriously.
4.
5. I want to take another shower/I took a shower 3 hours ago.

some things and a poem

2011-01-08T02:29:00.009-06:00

3 things:

1. I meant to go to bed an hour ago.
2. Four of the poems I've posted recently mention "hair" or "long hair." It's a thing.
3. I originally wrote this poem on a napkin at Southside Flying Pizza in Austin.

the tapestry couch

And I had bubble gum
tangled in my long hair
long before I knew anything
or felt guilty about
everything.

Now the purple vibrations
emanating from your glitter tongue
put my childhood haircuts at ease.

thursday morning

2011-01-07T18:27:00.001-06:00

I thought I could write like Ernest Hemingway.

I drew her from memory and labeled it
"unfortunately I love you".

code

2011-01-07T18:14:00.002-06:00

playing clarinet in a hole in the ground

wearing two shirts on halloween

drinking coffee and blue powerade

I was jealous of your face

or jealous of her mouth

one of the two

shifting interests

always shifting back

seventeen thoughts

never came back

I forgot to tell you

(I got my hair cut)

sitting under a tree reading Ginsberg

2011-01-03T14:40:00.002-06:00

novelists hobos and synthesizer cats

heterosexual queers checking their watches

by habit not by choice

drinking coffee from paper cups

absorbing poems while doors open

eyes wander from half-cat

to yellow shirt

soft hair

oblivious

ideal

trespassing for good reason

2011-01-03T14:01:00.002-06:00

I am a rooftop lightning storm

gripping the lightning rod and laughing

while everyone drinks stolen champagne

My iridescent soap skin won’t break

unless someone meows at a cop

I’ve made a list of pros and cons:

I can no longer discern

between dreams and reality

I keep blowing bubbles

that stick to the surface

I have yet to be identified

and I won’t apologize beforehand

you'd look better playing a drum

2011-01-02T17:21:00.001-06:00

you keep changing shoes

I’m walking fast. erratic

dreaming of long hair

in the periphery.

I can imagine myself

lying in the road,

bright green nail polish

says the weather channel lied

(everything’s chipping)

my first words came last unfortunately

I can’t remember my dreams.

I am a sidewalk satanist

staring at legs and muttering in the shower

I never learned all of your words

but I roll my eyes back like I’ve known you twice.

college and stuff

2011-01-02T17:12:00.001-06:00

I realized I haven't used this blog since I've gone to college. (Before that, I guess). I figure I should start using it again even though absolutely nobody reads it. I'm mostly just going to put writing/poems on here I think. Because I can use tumblr for everything else. And I haven't been putting my poems anywhere lately.

I started writing a story-thing recently. It's currently in two parts, entitled "Existential Cat Intro" and "Thoughts about Everything." So once I finish that I'll put it here. It suspect it will be finished after I write more thoughts about everything and add a third part, tentatively called "Halfway Under My Bed."

Here are some minor life updates:
I got a new tattoo over Thanksgiving break.

I'm currently listening to CocoRosie.

Everything is better since I moved to Austin.

I drew this dog skull the other day.

Eventually I will elaborate on this...

2010-07-11T12:36:00.001-05:00

The other night I had a crazy post-apocalyptic time travel dream involving hiking shoes and an attempt to purchase marijuana from a young boy.

AP scorez

2010-07-09T12:43:00.001-05:00

Macroeconomics - 4
English Lit - 4
European History - 5
US Government - 5

15 hours of college credit right there.

hallo shorthair

2010-07-08T14:12:00.001-05:00

I'm very pleased that I no longer have to pull my hair up for my tattoo to be visible.

today may or may not be the last day that my long hair is long. ??

2010-07-07T18:21:00.000-05:00

I got this new jacket from UO in the mail today! The sleeves can be rolled up and also it has a hood. And it is plaid. Best jacket ever.

the number one best thing about America

2010-07-04T15:24:00.002-05:00

Bluegrass.

Happy Independence Day!

I enjoy knitting winter hats in the summertime.

2010-06-25T15:26:00.000-05:00

Also, Wilco marathons.

2010-06-20T22:45:00.001-05:00

Sigh

recent purchases

2010-06-20T14:32:00.000-05:00

Friday at Waterloo Records I purchased the following:

Gorilla Manor - Local Natives

The Winter of Mixed Drinks - Frightened Rabbit

The Rhumb Line - Ra Ra Riot

The Dust of Retreat - Margot & The Nuclear So and So's

Unfortunately the Margot cd was damaged and wouldn't play on my computer, and I was way outta Austin before I realized it. I'm going to mail it to my brother, who lives in Austin, so he can take it back and get me a replacement or something.

Otherwise I'm really pleased with my purchases. Ra Ra Riot was my immediate favorite. I wasn't surprised cause they're in the same indie-pop vein as like, Harlem Shakes and Vampire Weekend, which are some of my other favorite bands. I'm very fond of Frightened Rabbit's The Midnight Organ Fight, and from the first couple of listens, The Winter of Mixed Drinks seems like it will be just as great. I'd only heard the song Sun Hands by Local Natives prior to buying their album, and the whole album is great.

I rarely buy an album I hate, but I can tell from my first few listens that these three will be in heavy rotation this summer.

kommunism kat

2010-06-14T17:07:00.000-05:00

2010-06-13T21:05:00.000-05:00

Currently listening to this album on repeat. (Bitte Orca - Dirty Projectors)

Also, can we all just take a moment to admire Angel Deradoorian's face?

wanna wanna wanna boyfriend

2010-06-12T16:34:00.001-05:00

I mostly just take pictures of Brianna.

Where's the freedom in the disco if you're all alone?

2010-06-11T17:07:00.000-05:00

My hair is blue and purple right now. I haven't been able to capture it very well in a foto form, but this is decent. I'm making such a nice face too. I have no eyes. !

The irrelevant title up there is a result of the fact that I'm home alone listening to electronica music. "Carby" by Discovery featuring Ezra Koenig, specifically.

I'll Go Swimming (4-10-2010)

2010-06-09T00:06:00.001-05:00

I’ll put the outlets on the ceiling
So I don’t trip over the cords

I’ll cover the walls with canvas
and paint myself into triangular maps,
write lyrics on the paper floor

I’ll never wear shoes.
I’ll cut my hair.

Eventually

I’ll walk down the hallway
through the rocks at the end
I’ll go swimming
in the space behind the walls

Experimentation with film

2010-06-08T23:26:00.000-05:00

alley cat

Birthday Song/Weird Nostalgia (6-2-2010)

2010-06-08T11:46:00.001-05:00

I want replacement memories
for the magnets in my fingertips.
I can almost touch them.
if I get close to the edges,
I'll flip over, stick backwards;
now is not the time.
To start over in the past--
I can see behind me.
Trees feel different in retrospect.
My bubbling chest will
only expand in the past,
but I can't fit
in a box in the future.

WHOOP WHOOP SATAN LIVES

2010-05-28T11:11:00.000-05:00

I'm graduating from high school tonight!

Look it's Lady Gaga:

Bopbop, it's really hot outside too. I was dressed really classy (classily?) earlier, but now I'm not cause I was melting like yeah.

heart it races

2010-05-14T13:22:00.000-05:00

I made this mix cd and it's one of my best, I think:

She's A Jar - Wilco
A Children's Crusade on Acid - Margot & The Nuclear So and So's
Noah's Ark - CocoRosie
Niagara Falls - Harlem Shakes
40 Day Dream - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
Heart It Races - Dr. Dog (Architecture in Helsinki cover)
Hangover Days - Jason Collett
Daylight - Matt & Kim
Little Secrets - Passion Pit
Holiday - Vampire Weekend
Never Had Nobody Like You - M. Ward
Restless - Langhorne Slim
The Modern Leper - Frightened Rabbit
Sun Hands - Local Natives
Nature of Dust - Laura Marling
Lady Liberty - Okkervil River
"Bedroom is a morgue" - Anis Mojgani

You can listen to it (except the Anis Mojgani poem cause it wouldn't upload or something) here.

My eyes feel sticky.

2010-05-12T21:28:00.000-05:00

I should be writing a bill for mock congress or reading Beloved, but I am currently doing neither of those things.

Here are some albums I should own but don't:
The Getty Address - Dirty Projectors
LP - Discovery

I've fallen victim to some serious senioritis! Also bad allergies that make me want to do nothing more than I already wanted to do nothing.

I want to drink some tea though.

I complain too much I think. I don't so much in real life though. Only blog life.

Injuries, pt.2

2010-05-10T18:02:00.000-05:00

I got this knee bruise from jumping off the stairs at school and then falling right onto the floor. I enjoy taking such risks! (Not really, I just didn't think I would fall.)

bahbahbahp

2010-05-10T09:10:00.000-05:00

I'm not in first period! Which is not really a great thing. Whateva I have like 14 days left in my entire high school career, so I've grown tired of really caring much at all.

Now I'm going to plan my summertime activities, since school is almost over forever:

I probably should stop using the internet so much. I'm thinking I'll limit myself to every other day so that I can actually do things.

I'm going to continue/start exercising so that I can be fit and happy. And also exercise is a nice internet replacement/way to not be bored all the time.

Once I get my bicycle, I'm going to ride it all the time like yeah.

I should probably replace my 1-5 daily cups of coffee with tea. Or water.

I need to get rid of a lot of the stuff in my closet. Not just clothes, but also toys and other stuff I don't need at all. Or I could just leave it there when I go to college. But I'd rather make some money and sell it all.

I just remembered I have 3 disposable cameras I need to get developed. Hopefully I'll remember to do that before school gets out (forever).

experimentation in self-portraiture, pt. 5

2010-05-07T23:50:00.000-05:00

forgot to mention

2010-05-06T21:11:00.000-05:00

Anxiety dreams, oh my god. I hate waking up stressed.

Every year of my life since ever, I start having weird dreams about summer camp around the end of the school year. And at the end of the summer I have dreams about school. But they're never good dreams, even the ones about summer camp. Actually, I frequently have dreams of summer camp and school mixed. Like, I'm at school, but there are people who I've gone to camp with in the past, or the other way around. They're strange, but just similar enough to real life to freak me out and make me feel bad.

I can't remember the specifics of the dream I had last night, but I know it involved people from camp, and I know I woke up feeling weird and anxious. And that feeling continued all day.

ack

2010-05-06T20:48:00.000-05:00

I wish high school were already over.

3 weeks...

I have a bruise on my knee and another on my elbow and I'm not happy about that.
Regina Spektor, I love you.
AP tests. Why?
Naps naps naps.
I hate Facebook.
I want to write poems about puking or something.
How is it that it's May? How do such things happen?
I'm being overly dramatic.

or not...

Things on my last "to do" list that I have actually done.

2010-04-25T19:00:00.000-05:00

Try to sleep more.
Find an inexpensive but quality cornet.
Use my new graph paper; doodle extensively.
Do homework.
Get that tattoo.

tattoo

2010-04-25T11:21:00.001-05:00

~Senioritis~

2010-04-22T22:52:00.000-05:00

Today during English class, I wrote out the lyrics to "A-Punk" by Vampire Weekend in my best cursive on a piece of graph paper.

(I'm getting a tattoo on Saturday.)

(100th post. Of such high quality, too!)

To Do

2010-04-06T21:20:00.000-05:00

Try to sleep more.
Continue reading extensively; finish more books.
Find an inexpensive but quality cornet.
Read more poetry (read Over the Anvil, We Stretch again).
Use my new graph paper; doodle extensively.
Practice the French horn a lot.
Do homework.
Get that tattoo.
Get a haircut after graduation. Maybe sooner.

2010-04-02T22:02:00.000-05:00

You don't have to go to college.

Oh, but I do, Animal Collective.

2010-04-02T22:00:00.001-05:00

My eyes are burning and watering. Allergies, only allergies, but feeling like crying (physically) makes me feel like crying (feelings).

know who I am

2010-03-28T16:09:00.000-05:00

The windows are open so my nose is dry bloody and my eyes are wet stinging. I want to color a picture for her and talk about Edward Sharpe. Kittens. Only kittens. What in the world am I thinking being so public. I'm genuinely trying my hardest NOT to make sense, and I'm not sure that's the path I should be taking. The scissors are easier than the knife. The scissors are easier than the knife. I could have saved a few cents but the ceiling fan is alright with me. Voter turnout is abysmally low. My hair is abysmally long. I'm looking forward to a few things, but why wouldn't you just associate with people who are easy. Don't you want to tell the truth. I never saw the table the way I do now. I'm not sure whom I should be giving my art, my maps and stolen words, to.

Birthday

2010-03-24T19:08:00.000-05:00

Vampire Weekend
Cornet
Tattoo:

thoughts I had while not sleeping at 2 A.M.

2010-03-19T23:38:00.000-05:00

I am very aware of my nose

When I wake up, I can make myself see double

Sometimes I would swear my hands were put on backwards

I can't sleep unless I believe I am sleeping

I want to cut off most of my hair and dye what's left of it blue and purple

There was a box of tissues and an empty green tea bottle

Pretending to know someone does not count

Writing a poem about someone counts a little bit

I don't want to make decisions on matters that I never intended to get involved with

The one exception is an exception

The exception makes me nervous

The thought that the rule could be an exception makes me more nervous

I only want a bicycle
and a short-sleeved plaid shirt

2010-03-04T10:37:00.000-06:00

So I've got this wisdom tooth and it's coming in and encroaching upon parts of my mouth that aren't even supposed to contain teeth or know what it feels like to have their flesh ripped into by a tooth, and it's making me want to stick my tongue out and close my eyes and make weird noises.

2-28-2010

2010-03-02T15:39:00.001-06:00

my imagination is stuck on a porch
wearing red flip-flops and knocking
to be let into a dark bedroom
and lie down next to a friend
who will hold its hand
while they wait
for the sun to rise
for the bee that got stuck
between the glass and the screen
to go on buzzing

I reckon I should write on here more often.

2010-02-17T21:11:00.000-06:00

I like actually writing real stuff rather than just posting pictures and lines from songs I like on Tumblr. But now that I've resolved to write here, I can't think of anything to write about really.

Hey look, it's Lady Gaga.

excerpts from my brain

2009-11-29T12:48:00.000-06:00

(Written around 1:30 A.M. on 11-24-2009. I couldn't sleep. I wrote a lot more than this. These are the parts I like.)

"I don't expect conversation at the confusing levels between illumination and confrontation. You pulled your new pants over my eyes, which is proving more comical every minute. My pants match your shirt and your mouth meets my eyes and for a second I am sure of nothing I ever wanted to believe."

"Even interruptions surprise me repeatedly.
My number is a constellation
because I forgot how to spell
I'm sure of certain words
but my mouth is plagued with uncertainty."

futuretat

2009-11-15T17:47:00.001-06:00

just try and hold me

2009-11-12T20:59:00.000-06:00

This is so beautiful. I love Anis Mojgani.

old dreams, pt.1

2009-11-11T21:58:00.000-06:00

A dream from last school year. I didn't put a date on it, unfortunately. All I wrote was "A Dream I had 2 Nights Ago."

I'm at the hospital, which looks just like Wal Mart. I'm standing at one of the checkout lanes, where the cashier/doctor is explaining a fossilized alligator jawbone to me and a group of people from my English class. I know they're in my English class, but I've never seen them before. I suddenly become very concerned, so I turn around to look at the wall. I see a "test your strength" carnival game, and Nina is slumped at the base of it. I rush over and realize that she is vomiting. With a closer look, I see that this is not normal vomit. Nina is vomiting tiny, bright green alligators covered in clear goo. I am very concerned, and so is the rest of my English class. We all stay by Nina's side until she is better, and then we leave the hospital in a white van to return to school.

Later, we are all back at school, and I am walking to English with Marlon. We are walking behind Brooke and Ian. I am telling Marlon about Nina, even though I promised not to.

"And when she puked, little green alligators came out!"

I forget that Brooke is there, and she overhears me. When we walking into English, I see that Nina is sitting at the TV crying. I feel very guilty, because I know that Nina knows I told her secret. I apologize, and she forgives me, and tells me her only concern was that Brooke would tell people.

Then we ride to my elementary school on the back of Nina's scooter. When we park, I realize that I left my right shoe in the van.

summer photos

2009-11-09T16:23:00.000-06:00

alternately titled:
Experimentation with Disposable Cameras

Hank

The End.

2009-11-07T23:09:00.000-06:00

Last night was my last football game ever. I'm a tiny bit sad.

Those are my nostrils. They say hello. (Me, Jason, Brianna).

Me and Brianna, a lot of others.

Jason, lookin' thoughtful. Me, lookin' awesome. Brianna, lookin' normal.

Photos by Ariel.

top five

2009-11-03T18:17:00.000-06:00

My top 5 presidents, in order of general coolness:

1. Franklin Delano Roosevelt

Reasoning: Excellent speaking voice.

2. Barack Hussein Obama

Reasoning: Likes Wilco.

3. Abraham Lincoln

Reasoning: Saved the union!

4. John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Reasoning: Lived fast, died young.

5. George Washington

Reasoning: The first.

For Halloween

2009-10-31T15:16:00.000-05:00

I couldn't find an embeddable version of Ghosts, but this is also appropriate for Halloween. Laura Marling <3.

new hairs

2009-10-31T14:16:00.001-05:00

I Octobered my hair. (Meaning I dyed it dark brown for fall).

weekend

2009-10-28T19:09:00.000-05:00

Saturday:

Marching band competition all day. We marched at 11:30. The 4th drill was a disaster. 3 people fell down. After we marched, we had to stay at the competition for four hours, knowing very well that we would not be moving on to the finals. Indiana's mom said, "You know, there's a chance you guys could move on. But there's also a chance it could snow tonight." (It was sunny and warm). So we watched a lot of other bands. Most of them were a lot better that we were. AND, I got a sunburn on my face. Which is now peeling. At 5:00, the bands that were advancing were announced. We weren't one of them. We came in 21st out of 23. So we left, and I got home around 7:30. Then my mother and father and I went to Austin. We arrived there at about 11:00. I was really tired.

Sunday:

I started my day in Austin with a continental breakfast consisting of Pops cereal, skim milk, and orange juice. Then we went to St. Edward's and looked around. Used their restrooms, which I seem to end up doing every time I'm there, even though I'm not totally sure they're open to the public. We then went to my brother's house and picked him up, and he went back to St. Ed's with us. We then went to a nursery, where my mother bought herbs and I wanted to buy a concrete skull and put marigolds in its eye sockets. But I did not. Then we ate lunch and randomly went and got my brother an iPhone at the AT&T store. THEN. We went to Waterloo, where I got a lot of new musics and wished I would see Ellen Page.

I got the following albums at Waterloo:
North Hills - Dawes
Monsters of Folk - Monsters of Folk
The First Days of Spring - Noah and the Whale

Then we went back to my brother's house, and he burned me two Justin Townes Earle albums and All Is Wild, All Is Silent by Balmorhea, which is a really nice instrumental album. Then we drove home, and I didn't do my economics homework because I had never really woken up after Saturday.

Guillermo 2.0

2009-10-27T21:01:00.000-05:00

I completely reworked the beginning of "Guillermo." The old version was boring me.

Guillermo told the old skinhead, "My Nazi war criminal grandma eats all the babies in the garden."
I covered my face because I was laughing.
The old man said in broken German, "Was? Was did you just sagen to mich?"
"My Nazi war criminal grandma eats all the babies in the garden," he repeated.
My eyes were watering.
"Komm in der hallway, Guillermo."
Through the window by the door, I watched the old neo-Nazi gesticulating and yelling while Guillermo stood with his hand over his mouth, concealing laughter. They walked back into the room and Guillermo sat down next to me under the German flag on the back wall. I turned to smile at him as he pulled his pencil case out of his bag. His long fingers fished through the case and emerged with a highlighter and bottle of superglue. He ran a bead of glue along the length of the highlighter, then he reached behind his chair and stuck the highlighter to the wall. I suppressed a giggle and forced myself to listen to the old man rambling about his homemade boat.
"Ich mache a boat out of plywood and --"
"You eat live turtles," I mumbled.
"Was, Guillermo?"
"I didn't say anything."
The old neo-Nazi noticed Guillermo's hand holding the highlighter on the wall.
"Was are you holding? Move dein hand!"
His hand moved, but the highlighter remained on the wall. The old man was indignant.
"Wie heisst your counselor? You're going to der office."
"Owen Wilson is my counselor. I'm dating her," Guillermo said as he walked out the door.

band

2009-10-23T15:54:00.000-05:00

Marching band competition tomorrow. ALL DAY LONG. :/ I have not had a single free Saturday in the month of October. This is the last competition of the year/of my life, though. Unless we go to state. I doubt that will happen. We're good and all, but they only take two bands from each area to state.

(Photos not by me. Obviously, since I'm in them. I don't know who to credit them to, though.)

Experimentation with old doodles.

2009-10-22T21:23:00.000-05:00

It's hard to tell, but this says "Mountain Dew and turtles! Om nom nom!"

When I post more of "Guillermo," this may or may not make more sense. I drew this in 10th grade German class.

Justin Townes Earle

2009-10-18T17:54:00.000-05:00

I love his voice so much.

party

2009-10-18T17:02:00.000-05:00

Me and Indiana before marching band competition yesterday.

Photo by Ariel

Chapter 12.2 Business Cycles

2009-10-13T17:17:00.000-05:00

I wrote the following things on the back of an economics worksheet today:

Real monsters with sideburns don't carry umbrellas but I was happy to get into a tent so I accepted the strange smell of the gumball machines; I wasted my money grumbling and clenching my fists. I don't want to go ice skating because I'll disappear anyway.

Better than sitting alone by a wooden post and dollar bills with the faces of people who I never liked.

You took me into your closet for a picture. Why?

I never wanted to hear the music in the tent, but I would sit on a bench before the parkers got to the lot.

I wouldn't talk to bearded men unless they were hip in half-price banjos. Why'd you sell your mandolin?

I convinced myself that imagination was more of a reality than our instant friendship which relied on pathos even though I thought I'd never have to sanitize my hands after admitting that I wish I could dance. The white SUV almost got lost and I always hoped I'd be in the stops lights when my old mom told me to make the right decisions regard[ing] ipecac.

purchases/music as of late

2009-10-11T23:00:00.000-05:00

I went shopping today with Emily and Indiana in FW.

I purchased the following items, in the following order:
A plaid shirt
Black jeans
Chicken fried rice
Chai tea
"Travels with Charley: In Search of America" - John Steinbeck
Cafe Americano
"I and Love and You" - The Avett Brothers
Spearmint chewing gum

While I'm making lists...

Songs I can't stop listening to:
Sleepyhead - Passion Pit
God Has A Voice She Speaks Through Me - CocoRosie
The Twist - Frightened Rabbit
Cathedral Park - Wisdom Tooth
Yuma - Justin Townes Earle

Injuries

2009-10-09T13:02:00.001-05:00

Check out that marching band injury.

I've also got a scraped/bruised elbow and a knot on the back of my head as a result of falling down at marching band practice yesterday.

babies

2009-10-09T12:41:00.001-05:00

Wednesday at Coffee Grinder:

Emily, looking at the newspaper - "How many babies have died in SUVs? Like 10. This is not news."
Brianna - "Bloated, roasted babies."

Whip It.

2009-10-04T17:33:00.000-05:00

I saw Whip It with my mother today. It was so good. I had no idea it was set in Austin, but I was so excited when I realized it is. When they showed Waterloo Records (best record store evar) I started clapping. They also showed my favorite pizza place, Home Slice. It makes me want to eat there. And run into Ellen Page there. And shake her hand. And take a picture with her shaking her hand. Not that she hangs out at Home Slice just because they showed it in one of her movies. Whatever.

experiementation in self-portraiture, pt. 3

2009-10-01T16:31:00.001-05:00

A portrait of me in my natural environment, wearing my school clothing.

Taken w/Photobooth

September 30, 2009

2009-09-30T21:11:00.000-05:00

This morning my alarm went off at 6:19, but I slept until 6:31. I rushed and got out the door by 6:50, but in the car I realized my shorts were on inside-out.

I'm Shawn Johnson, and these are my tricks.

2009-09-19T23:05:00.000-05:00

I've got a cold. I stayed home from school yesterday, but I was feeling alright in the evening, so I went to my friend Sam's house with Indiana. Emily, Emily's boyfriend Dylan, and Richard were also there. Sam is building a boat, so the boys worked on that while Emily and Indiana and I just hung around. The highlights of the night were blowing bubbles as an offering to Greek gods and goddesses, and watching Richard attempt to do a high kick. It was really more of a side-kick. A hilarious side-kick.

Yesterday was New Music Friday. I got a mix CD in the mail, and Sam burned me two CDs while I was at his house (Passion Pit - Manners & Frightened Rabbit - The Midnight Organ Fight). I've felt worse today than I did yesterday evening, probably as a result of being social while also sick, so I've mostly just slept and sat around today. It was nice to have new music to listen to while being lazy, though.

Some haikus

2009-09-13T16:47:00.000-05:00

I wrote these after an economics test on Friday.

Saucestin, a hipster
with a mullet and acid
wash jeans every day

weird mustard velour,
too many tube tops -- you can't
be hip all the time

can't see Langhorne Slim
for free in ATX -- damn
you, marching band game

important symbols
combined with facebook all night
sleepy this morning

Jazz pukes in my ears
and says "my thighs" like a creep
in all four classes

Evolution, pt.1, pt.2

2009-09-13T16:36:00.002-05:00

So I posted the other day about this photo, and how Brianna and I look so much different now.

I deleted that post, because when Brianna came over yesterday (to watch the Royal Tenenbaums), I realized we were wearing the same shirts we wore in that old picture. So we took a new photo to compare it to.

I think the most striking differences between us now and us approx. 15 months ago are Brianna's lack of braces, my glasses, and the fact that we both have a lot lighter hair. Brianna looks a lot older in this photo, but I don't think she does as much in real life.

library

2009-09-09T21:48:00.001-05:00

Brianna and I went to the library after school today. When I texted my mother to tell her what I was doing, I repeatedly typed "librarn" instead of "library". Brianna checked out some books of "literary merit" for English class, and I checked out The Royal Tenenbaums dvd. Not only am I a slacker, checking out movies instead of books, I'm a total hipster. I'm looking forward to watching it and being very hip this weekend. <3 Wes Anderson.

P.S.
I'm not really a slacker. I don't need to check out books of literary merit because I own books of literary merit.

Evolution, pt. 2

2009-09-07T17:41:00.000-05:00

Older (between 9th & 10th grade)

Oldest (9th grade -- from our "band" Good Badminton. My hair! So long!)

So we don't stay in step?

2009-09-01T17:07:00.000-05:00

Today:
Marching band practice.
Being intentionally out of step was disconcerting.
Lunch.
Observed a pirate on crutches wandering around the cafeteria.
Euro.
Renaissance art.

Raphael and his "friend" are totally in love.

HSM3: Senior Year

2009-08-29T17:30:00.001-05:00

The first week of my senior year of high school was boring. A rundown of my daily schedule:

7:15 A.M. - Marching band practice. It's early and makes me sweaty.
8:40 A.M. - AP Macroeconomics. We haven't really done anything yet, so I have no opinion of this class.
9:40 A.M. - Academic Decathlon. All we do is talk about the French Revolution and highlight stuff. It's fun.
10:45 A.M. - Band. Same as it's been for four years. Practice marching music, joke around with Brianna.
11:40 A.M. - Lunch. I buy my lunch in the "Italian" line. I drink chocolate milk and eat a little cup of corn with every meal. I sit at a table with Brianna and Rich. I used to sit with various other boys, but they now sit at a table behind us and play Magic: The Gathering every day.
12:20 P.M. - AP European History. I have the same teacher for this class and Aca Deca, and about 8 of the people in Aca Deca are also in Euro. Brianna is there too. We take notes and the teacher makes fun of my friends Jason and Austin.
1:20 P.M. - AP English Lit. So far we've written 5 essays. I'm good at English, but I have a feeling the workload for this class will be large. The teacher's nickname is Baby Hitler, but she doesn't seem terribly mean at this point. Just strict.
2:15 P.M. - Go home.

Jesus, you're making me sick.

2009-08-23T21:18:00.000-05:00

The final hours of summer are upon me. I can say with complete sincerity that this was the best summer of my life. Better even than the summer between 6th and 7th grade, my former best because I went to church camp that summer. I was into that sort of thing then, and I must say it was good fun at the time. But it doesn't beat purple hair, Ghost Ranch, or ridiculously long Photobooth sessions with my best friends:

that mustache

2009-08-21T22:00:00.000-05:00

"You don't have to like Walt Disney to like his movies, just like you don't have to like Hitler to like that awesome mustache."

In other news, I'm contemplating buying a bluegrass tribute to Wilco. z0mg.

Interesting vocabulary fact:
the word supercilious comes from the Latin word for eyebrow, supercilium.

pretend your French horn is a kitten

2009-08-20T21:08:00.001-05:00

I said to no particular person, " My mom says I can eat cereal straight out of the toilet." Sandy looked at me funny, so I smiled, and she smiled too. Then I opened my eyes big and crazy, and I stuck out my tongue a little. Indiana laughed understandingly as Maxwell said "Set one!" and we went back to our spots.

good thing Mario didn't carjack us

2009-08-16T12:37:00.000-05:00

Coffee Grinder yesterday:

thank you for having
coffee that's not so nasty
and sour like Starbucks

Big ponytail man
sorry about your go no-
where C Grinder job

playing Scrabble with
some older women, brother's
housemate doesn't acknowledge

good thing Mario
didn't carjack us on our
trip to Discount T

new running shorts
for marching quickly backwards
and getting chalk butt

"I don't need you to
be Canadian right now;
I got eyeshadow!"

shuffling into the
restroom, she might find there's a
ladder in the door

there's a pilgrim at
the Coffee Grinder, reminds
me of middle school

Coincidences, etc.

2009-08-14T22:55:00.000-05:00

Two people in marching band are named Victoria. A girl in marching band had all of her hair braided. Thankfully, one of the Victorias goes by Vicky and the other goes by Tori, and the girl took out her braids. She didn't have Taylor Swift hair after. This all makes me feel oddly sentimental.

School starts in a week. I don't remember the last time I got up and did morning pages. I think I've written 5 haikus this week. Hopefully I'll have creative writing first semester, just so I'll have an excuse to write more regularly. I might have to just take my composition notebook to and write during lunch or something otherwise.

experimentation with realistic design, pt. 2

2009-08-12T15:05:00.000-05:00

Roseart markers on Crayola Doodle Pad

I love money!

2009-08-09T12:37:00.000-05:00

Coffee Grinder this morning.

Indiana's [heathenish rant] dictation:
Checkers is an afternoon game. For boring people. I don't have anything good. I swear to God. I know what they're doing. They're going to church. They're wasting time before church. Ew! Ew ew ew. God. I'm Serena. I'm Serena. I'm Janice. I can't wait to worship together later. For we are weak, and nothing without God. (tosses hands in air) Can't do it alone! I'm not done. I wear my long skirt. In surrender to a higher being...

Haikus:

Janice's hair is
wet. I meant to dictate that.
It looks really gross.

If he lives by the
dealerships on the left we
could color with him

Paris Brockett adds
smiley faces to all of
his text messages

Singing VW
she wonders out loud if I
like her rendition

A wobbly table
next to the inside window
painted so fancy

experimentation in self-portraiture, pt. 2

2009-08-08T14:10:00.000-05:00

taken w/ Photobooth

date my mom

2009-08-07T21:01:00.000-05:00

Today:

7:30 marching band.
Elizabeth made cookies!
"Do you want to start at H?"

Saw (500) Days of Summer with my mother.

"I knew it sounded wrong when I started saying 'Jonah and the Whale,' cause that's just the stupid Bible."

Chinese food:
You are imaginative in using your skills [in bed].

if you buy the cheap oven...

2009-08-05T20:44:00.000-05:00

Today:
Learned marching test.
Got confused by weird hip-shift-rocket-to-the-rear combo.
Changed my shoes and realized my toe was bleeding.
Wrote 6 haikus at breakfast break.
Talked about people as though they were Sims.
Came home.
Slept too long.

Is this my Ozarka?

2009-08-04T21:46:00.000-05:00

I am surrounded by 14-year-olds. They stare at me for no reason, they can't find their water bottles, they've only been playing the French horn for 3 days, and they don't wear ankle socks. Andrew Jackson is 4-foot-9, plays the trombone, and has legs too short to march 8-to-5. The girl with pink hair wears her sunglasses inside. The girl in front of Indiana doesn't have enough room, so she rests her flute in Phoebe's hair. The clarinets can't play and do a box eight. The trumpets practice at 50 beats-per-minute. They don't know that Maxwell will say the exact same things every day for the next 4 years. They haven't learned each morning for the next 4 months will begin with the words, "Alright kids, up on your toes. Reach!" They haven't memorized the fight song. They don't remember that rule number 3 is "Don't anticipate." They tend to anticipate. They have no idea what's going on.

the first rule of marching band

2009-08-03T17:25:00.000-05:00

"What's the first rule of marching band?"
"Stay between two people!"
"Always keep your..."
"Chin up."

I'm convinced he changes the order of the rules every year, so my first answer is always wrong.

three tiny poems

2009-08-01T10:59:00.000-05:00

Caffeine
a bland cup of coffee
followed by fast fingers
typing secrets disguised
by a serious face

Catharsis
we vomit a mix
of cool water and
bits of the keyboard

Wisdom Teeth
spit a foamy blob
of blue green bubbles
and a bright red streak;
stick out my tongue
and look at the spot
where a hard white tooth
slices through my gums

recently

2009-07-31T21:39:00.001-05:00

yesterday:
Took naps.
Harry Potter with my mom.

today:
Slept in.
13 haikus.
Band registration :/
Brianna made the grossest combination of words I've ever heard -- fetal cheese. BLECH.
Dinner and a movie with my mom.
Hot beard sighting at Chilis.
Funny People -- so much Wilco!